"I think that Build the Life You Want and Still Have Time to Enjoy It! would make a great gift for someone that you know who is overwhelmed by having a lack of time. It is also a great gift to give to oneself."

Stress Free Holidays - 7 Easy Steps

Almost 52 percent of the women responding, ages 35 to 54, said their stress levels go up during the holidays. By contrast, 40 percent of surveyed men in the same age bracket said their stress levels increase with the holidays.

Our schedules are so packed that often it is hard to take time to make ourselves and others feel special.  Rather, than adding the holidays as one more action item to your list, consider taking the opportunity and time off to re-connect with yourself and the other important relationships in your life.   Here are some tips to making them a stress-free and centered time to enjoy the relationships in your life.

7 Steps to a Stress Free Holiday

1. Know Your Tell

The first step is to know your tell.  Figure out the signals that you have holiday overload so you can take a break or a step back and regain perspective and/or sanity.  Here are some common symptoms of holiday burn out:

• If just thinking about the holidays makes you feel tense and pressured
• If you begin to feel put upon or that no one is helping
• You just can’t sit down and rest for a minute
• Small set backs or inconveniences set you over the edge
• When people are talking to you, you find your mind wandering over the menu for Thanksgiving dinner

When you catch these or other signs, take a break.  One way to integrate breaks into your day is to use them to interrupt the stress reflex.  When you begin to feel anxiety about all you have to get done or about the enormity of a new assignment.  Stop.  Take a deep breath, hold it, repeat.  Go get a glass of water and come back to it.

2. Know Your Limits and Create a Plan

At work or at home saying, “ok,” tends to be our first response because we are used to trying to do it all.  Not only does this eat up our personal time, it leaves us overwhelmed and can also breed resentment.  “Why am I always the one who has to do it?” It can also develop resentment in family members or friends who feel shorted on time with you.

This phenomenon is amplified during the holidays because there are simply more things that need to get done whether it is a volunteer event or a costume for the school holiday show.  The first critical step to regaining control of your personal time is to take a step back and honestly evaluate your limits.  Simply pausing before allowing more to be added to your plate can end the cycle of overwork and confront the myth that we can do everything.  Evaluate:

• What do I already have on my plate?
• Do I WANT to do it?
• If I say, “yes,” to this, where will the time come from?
• Do I have feelings such as being overwhelmed, anxious or frantic?
• Double the amount of time you think the activity will actually take.  Can you accommodate it is your schedule?

Often times, identifying the underlying feelings helps us evaluate what our response should really be.  For example, guilt that we aren’t keeping up with everything or that we aren’t as efficient multi-taskers as the rest, fear about other’s perceptions or that we are letting others down, anxiety about missing out or about losing control…

Once you know what you can commit to, create a plan that breaks the commitments into manageable chunks and actually block time on your calendar to address them. 

3. Start Early

If you are thinking to yourself, the holidays start early enough these days….you’re right.  However, work and events tend to fill our calendars towards the end of the year and before you know it you actually need one of those turkey dolls that have been in the store window for the last 3 months.

Many people benefit from buying gifts through out the year and storing them.  People who report reduced stress during the holidays have often completed most of their shopping before Thanksgiving.  One way to do this to break things into small pieces and take care of 1 or 2 each week.  Others who report reduced stress do much of their shopping by Internet and catalog avoiding the crowds.
Whatever the task is you are working on, leave more time that usual to get it done.  This will help alleviate the stress that comes from a mile long holiday line when you are in a hurry.

4. Engage Help

Often during the holidays not only do we try to do it all, we generally try to do it all ourselves—adding our personal touch to each item on our list.  However, I received sound advice when I was pregnant with my first son and it holds doubly true for the holidays.  The nurse who taught our parenting class said when a neighbor offers to bring a casserole for your freezer DO NOT decline out of politeness.  Say yes and actually I have room for three!  Like poker, confidence makes a difference.

When someone offers to help, say yes.  Even if it doesn’t get done perfect, it is one less thing on your list.  Whenever possible, invite others to participate so that you have time to share in the fun.

5. Set the Expectation

A very successful family member broke down under the pressure from the holidays and simply put; folded. She and other family members expected her to do most everything despite a very demanding job. She was actually afraid she would let people down. Fortunately she didn’t have to be glued back together.  She just needed to take a step back, breathe, and think through all that she was really needed for.  This is actually not an easy task, both for herself and the family.

Often, our personal time disappears because we have set the expectation that we are always available or we can do it all.  Regaining personal time requires us to slowly reset the expectation that others have for us and that we may have for ourselves. This is especially true during the holidays because there tend to be events in the evenings and on weekends that roll over into our cherished personal time.  Or, there are things that need to be done that are outside of our usual routine.

Pick a time each day to turn your cell phone off or set off duty hours at home. Ask, “what keeps me from disengaging and enjoying my time off?”  Whatever that item is, set a time to turn it off or get away from it.  You can start small by letting people know when you will be unavailable.  If your personal time is interrupted, ask the person if they would mind coming back later.  Eventually people, will adjust to the new expectation.

You may also need to adjust the expectations you have for yourself during the holidays.  If your desire to have everything just right is a source of stress, consider resetting your expectation, relinquishing control, and going with the good enough curve.

6. Refuse to miss the precious moments

Every gambler knows that the secret to survival
Is knowing when to fold and knowing when to keep.

Don’t let the hustle and bustle of the holidays steal the precious moments.  Drop whatever it is that you are doing and take a moment to truly enjoy.  A slightly overcooked turkey, running a little late to the holiday party, or an unfrosted cookie for Santa is worth it to enjoy those moments that the holidays foster.  Because other people are under stress as well, it pays to remember that it is not all about you! They have their own thing to deal with and may say negative things, acting as “Joy Pirates,” contributing to an increase in your own anxiety. So refuse to allow the negativity to steal the precious holiday moments.

7. Be good to yourself

When we are at a constant sprint, we routinely leave out those items that help sustain us:  time with our families, exercise, eating, sleep.  The end result, a phenomenon that marathon runners call “hitting the wall.”  We become totally drained with nothing left to offer for the day.  A key to staying motivated through the holiday time is to have non-negotiable me time calendared into your schedule. Be able to back your hand.-make promises that you can keep and place your bets accordingly. Set your goal as making a percentage of holiday time just for you.

The hope we have is that you will be able to step back and gain new perspective on whatever consumes your time. Mood, thoughts, behavior, and your spirit definitely affect those around you and a wider circle of people than you can possibly measure or realize.

Building a life with time to enjoy it makes sense. In our times, when next week seems to come faster and faster, small changes now can bring about huge differences later. No matter what your style, you can feel good about yourself at work, have the ability to make time to be with the people you love, and do the things you have dreamed of doing.

Remember the time in your life belongs to you.