"I think that Build the Life You Want and Still Have Time to Enjoy It! would make a great gift for someone that you know who is overwhelmed by having a lack of time. It is also a great gift to give to oneself."

With One Arm Tied Behind My Back

Lessons Learned in the Early Days of Motherhood

Prior to the birth of my son, Alejandro, I was discussing with a group of women how we are so modern and independent.  Women and technology have come so far, yet, being pregnant actually seems “old fashioned.”  We can blackberry relatives the moment our child is born and stream live video of the baby over the internet.  Despite all of our advances, we cook a life in our stomach the same way as the rest of nature and then we give birth.  For me, it was a beautiful and grounding experience.

Being the modern woman, I expected to be able to immediately get into a routine with my new baby and jump back into life with both feet and the baby in a sling.  After all, I had read every book I could get my hands on, had gathered best practices and lessons learned from friends, and was from a big family.  I would be back in the swing of things in no time and still be 100% at home and there for my son. 

Baby Alejandro was born October 19th and immediately I became aware that I had no idea what I was in for.  He was so beautiful and perfect there was no way I could leave him even for a minute.  Finding windows to shower and eat in between his feedings was a daily struggle. 

Below are 6 tips to surviving the early weeks, for us modern women.

1. Surviving with One Arm

It occurred to me early one morning as I tried to pump milk and feed my baby all with one hand that I may expect too much of myself.  My son is wonderful and rarely cries…except if you put him down.  Everything in my day had to be achievable with the use of only one hand.  I realized that I had only a few days in the hospital to practice this technique. It occurred to me that if I actually had to live life with one arm it would take significantly more time in therapy learning how to manage one’s life and recover. 

I quickly found a few things that made life easier:

• Stock the fridge with foods that can easily be eaten with one hand such as string cheese, juice boxes, empanadas, quesadillas, power bars, yogurt smoothies, dried fruit, etc
• If your shower has a glass door, consider putting the baby on a towel for tummy time while you squeeze in a quick rinse
• Keep supply stations throughout the house in places that you sit to feed the baby so that everything is within one arm’s reach
• Program important numbers into the phone (such as the advice nurse at the pediatrician’s office—she’ll be expecting your call any way).
• Pre-cook for the week while someone watches the baby and store the meals in single serving disposable Tupperware
• Consider a tool belt—clip your phone to your waistline (well where your waste line once was) so that you don’t have to run for it when it rings—consider turning the ringer off on the handset you carry but leave them on in other parts of the house so it doesn’t wake the baby.
• ** remember everything takes longer with one hand

2. Sleep Deprivation

….need I say more.   I never truly knew what this was until I had a baby.  In fact, sleep deprivation is a form of torture.  My baby continues to be on the 2 hour schedule which means it takes and hour to feed him, sleep for an hour and repeat. 

• One night of not enough sleep affects mental concentration, flexibility, and creativity
• Two nights of not enough sleep affects rote functioning
• Five days of sleep deprivation seriously impairs all functioning
• 74% of women sleep less than the recommended 8 hours

                  (Two Years Without Sleep –Cathy Feldman)

It is said that not having enough sleep is the equivalent of operating on 2 drinks.  I am clearly operating on about 12 martinis J .  The standard recommendations help—napping, eating well, staying hydrated, and stretching.  In addition, it is important to recognize the impact on your mood and perspective.  There are times that I am so tired I feel I am less than great mom.  I forget to enjoy all of the fun stuff.  That is when I take a step back, ask for a break if there is someone to provide one, and often take a look back. I keep a few pictures from the hospital to remind me: A) there is light at the end of the tunnel and B) not to blink because I might miss something great.

3. Schedule Shuffle

I love to have a detailed schedule for the day marking what I will accomplish by the hour.  With a new baby, this is no longer an option.  Rather than get frustrated and feel out of control of my day, I pick 3 priorities I want to accomplish each day and I hope to get to 1 or 2. 

Murphy’s law being the predominant influencer in my day.  I gave birth really to twins:  Alejandro and Murphy. Impromptu visits to the doctor, fussy days, growth spurts and outfit changes dictate the pace of my day.  The simple solution is to stay flexible and to not try to bite too much off.  I have become a strong advocate for the good enough curve-80% of the value comes from 20% of the effort.

4. Self Doubt

As a modern women, I move through my life with confidence and rarely doubt my abilities.  Motherhood is an entirely different animal.  I am constantly questioning myself and my abilities.  Is he eating enough, is he warm, has he rested, etc.  Emotions heavily influence my time.  I am anxious when I leave him.  I feel guilty and I miss him.  Many of my friends who have gone back to work say they cry all the way to the office.  Guilt is a big part of the equation.  These are generally healthy emotions as long as you are able to look at them objectively.  Are you jumping in and taking over when someone else is caring for the baby?  If your partner is calming him for example, allow him to do it and go tackle one of your priorities or enjoy a moment of well earned rest.

5. Sudden Climate Change

Babies represent a sudden climate change in your relationships. Be sure to talk with your partner about each others experiences such as adjusting to parenthood or providing enough reassurance to the other as the focus is on the baby.

6. Split Focus

I use to have laser tight focus and could move through assignments without deviation. Now, I find my mind is constantly split between the task at hand and a constant concern for the baby.  It takes 20 minutes to build concentration and every time you are interrupted, you have to start again from scratch.  As I work from home and take care of the baby, I am learning to reserve more time to complete assignments because interruptions are a given.  Where I would have told a team member that he or she would have it right away, I am now asking when is this needed, and negotiating realistic time frames given my new commitments.