"I think that Build the Life You Want and Still Have Time to Enjoy It! would make a great gift for someone that you know who is overwhelmed by having a lack of time. It is also a great gift to give to oneself."

Joy Pirates^®

Everybody knows at least one Joy Pirate. You are cruising along just fine and then,"FWAP," you are hit. A Joy Pirate is a person who sets off your anxieties, usually at the worst possible time. They often say things that make you feel put down or that cause self-doubt. They may leave you seething and ruminating on your anger or wishing you had made a biting comeback. A mark of a Joy Pirate is that the impact of the interaction often follows you home. In addition to ruining your mood, they can undermine your effectiveness and productivity.

The solution to Joy Pirate attacks needs to be quick, easy to learn, and effective. It needs to provide distance, while still maintaining the relationship. There are many ways to handle difficult people, but the truth is, most of us don’t have the time or inclination to remember a multitude of psychological issues to manage it.

1) Identifying and Understanding Joy Pirates

Being able to identify Joy Pirates and understand their behaviors and methods will reduce anxiety and make your life much easier. This means less sleepless nights thinking of a great comeback, or worse, uttering it while you are engaged in a negative conversation which can make matters worse.

The following true story illustrates what happens when a Joy Pirate strikes at a critical juncture. A young executive, John, was on his way to an important presentation where his product and process were being compared to several others. He was the last to speak. Just before he reached the conference room, a fellow staff member started asking no less then six questions about things that should be included in his presentation. Did he include this, did he include that? He said it looked tough in “there” and that John better darn well be at his best. John’s anxiety went up and he began to re-read and rewrite his notes making changes. He doubted he had made a strong enough case. He lost his focus on the presentation itself and gave a very nervous and awkward presentation, (by his account). He had to make constant references to his note cards, which, were not totally clear given the last minute additions.

John has been boarded by a Joy Pirate. His anxieties had been set off leading to self doubt and poor performance. He was embarrassed and angry as he felt he had been well prepared prior to speaking with his colleague. His co-worker had the appearance of being helpful, but instead was highly destructive. The anxiety, fear and doubt took their toll.

This situation could have been handled easily. It is not easy to ignore someone who appears to be supportive, but John needed to focus and trust that he had done his work.

2) It’s Not About You!

When dealing with a Joy Pirate it is critical to understand that it is not about you. In the case of John, the Joy Pirate engaged him in negativity while seeming to be helpful. Whatever negativity or anxiety the Joy Pirate had was passed on to John with bad results. The whole purpose of a Joy Pirate is to sidle up and say something that engages you in negativity. That negativity is really about them, but they will bring it up at a most vulnerable moment and pass it on to you. This may be an unconscious act, but its effect is the same.

3) Refuse to Engage

John lost his focus, but he could have handled the situation differently. He could have said, I see you are concerned about the presentation and its content. I would be happy to discuss this with you later, as I am not able to do so now. Perhaps we could set an appointment after the presentation to discuss it. In other words, this was the wrong time to raise these questions. Much earlier would have left time for real consideration of the points.

First, it is unlikely that the appointment will be set or kept as the goal of passing on the anxiety will not be achieved. The real issue was not really the subject matter, but the need to share the anxiety or negativity. It’s the excuse, not the reason. The response would have set a boundary with the Joy Pirate, expressed confidence in his presentation, and yet been conciliatory rather than off putting.

Recognizing that it is “not about you” is important to disengage from a potentially destructive conversation and allows for focus on the goal at hand.

Coming Soon - Joy Pirates^®

Look for our latest book Joy Pirates which will show you ways to handle Joy Pirates individually in groups. Pre-order your copy today.

Share Your Story

If you have encountered a Joy Pirate, we hope you'll share your story with us and sign up for our Ezine. We will be analyzing stories and posting solutions on a regular basis as well as including them in our book. Submit your story now. Submissions may be used in the book, ezine or website.

Win a copy of Joy Pirates^®

Have you ever wanted to change the locks on your monther-in-law or change a co-worker's business trip to a one way ticket to Siberia? Submit your best fantasy of how you wanted to address a joy pirate and you could win a free copy of Joy Pirates^®.