"I think that Build the Life You Want and Still Have Time to Enjoy It! would make a great gift for someone that you know who is overwhelmed by having a lack of time. It is also a great gift to give to oneself."

Building a Balanced Life

Driven. Committed to Excellence. Quality Delivery. Top Performer.

These descriptors are hard earned—achieved by being at one’s best day to day. When surveyed, executives listed their top 3 priorities as: home, work, and self/health. They also described how difficult it was to stay at the top of one’s game in each of the three areas at all times.

People seeking to excel in all areas of their life need to be cognizant of the ebb and flow of work life balance. It is a common misconception that work/life balance always means having all aspects of your life carry the same weight. At any given time one part of your life will be more demanding than another. Perhaps it becomes your responsibility to support an infirm parent. It may be a problem at school for one of your children. Maybe your department is down sizing and only top performers will survive. Change is constant and being fair to all your commitments can be difficult. How do you maintain excellence when one area of your life is demanding more than its share of your time?

Acknowledge that the extra time demanded has to be pulled from somewhere/another priority which requires honest negotiation whether it is with a personal relationship, co-worker, or yourself.

Personal Relationship
There are consequences to over achievers whose whole investment is around work. Friends or partners may feel they don’t count. This sets the ground for them to feel misunderstood or rejected. People only understand your loss of focus for a time before they think they are a lesser priority. When this happens, you begin feel you do not count as well. A partner may not feel part of the process. We call this situation Continental Drift. At first the movement away from each other is imperceptible, but seen in the context of history, the continents are separating. Pretty soon there are different cultures and climate. This kind of separation can be avoided by negotiating with those important to you. Work can’t dominate the whole time with you coming home used up. So many opportunities for closeness and support are missed when there is no plan for the other parts of your life and a mutual understanding with significant others as to what it takes to make it work.
One person interviewed said that despite the serious pressure to complete a project at work, he was concerned that his wife would feel less important. He wanted her to know he valued his time with her.  He created a  project plan which included making sure he left room to listen, thought through things he should remember to say, set up special surprises, and initiated other creative means to help her feel special. He made sure she was part of his day even when he was traveling. He believed he counted in her life, and she in his. He did not want to assume she knew how he felt. He used his work skills to benefit another priority. Taking advantage of the skills you employ at work and may have surprising outcomes.

Work
Be strategic. Plans need to be developed that include your other priorities while addressing the new demand. The core issue is to focus on the big picture first. Evaluate what is wanted as a result and work backwards to create milestones and reasonable steps. It is important to include activities to benefit yourself as well as your other commitments.

We have interviewed several people who have pointed out that they made great sacrifices towards a work project expecting one outcome or reward only to find that the benefit was not worth what they gave up.  Do it once and you’re a hero, do it twice and its an expectation.

Self
Achievers are the very people who will try to do it all. They have proved that they will go the extra mile consistently and are not often willing to pass up an opportunity. Excellent at multi-tasking they move from one project to the next, thinking that somehow they will have sufficient emotional and physical reserves to complete everything. Yet the support systems necessary to sustain their effort may not be in place and they can completely exhaust their internal resources. 
When we ask people to fill out the amount of hours put in to each part of their daily schedule, there are more people then not who schedule more hours of activity then there are hours in the day. Many people feel that “it is just the way it is” and feel there is little opportunity for change. But this activity raises awareness for where the investment of your time is going. The first thing to remember is that many people count on you to be in their lives, and having you overwhelmed makes you emotionally unavailable. You are not a machine, and regular maintenance is required.
A top consultant pointed out that the first thing that he gave up on busy days was his exercise time. It was easy to find reasons to focus on other commitments. He now takes his exercise time no matter what his schedule. He finds he can accomplish even more when he takes time for himself. He has learned not to devalue himself in the face of overwhelming work and commitments.
We have interviewed a number of people whose lives seem impossible: single parents attending school, people with ailing parents, and people with very difficult travel schedules, and some with all of that. Asking for help does not come naturally to many achievers. Being used to managing things, they may not see resources that can be of help. Often a person who has “been there, done that” can be found to help you think it through. Just putting one foot in front of the other will probably not take you anywhere particular and there will be no end in sight. A careful look that leads to even little changes can have a major impact.

Step Back and Check In
Once the fire is out some people feel guilty for neglecting the other areas of their lives and immediately become over committed again trying to play catch up with the other priorities. They are used to living with high levels of stress and be encouraged in that by their corporate culture. They are used to being stretched out, and spread out all over again. Your support counts to people, and you need support from others. People know when you are fully present or not. Checking in prevents the onset of Continental Drift which can quickly create problems of its own.
It is not unusual for more than one priority to need attention. Everyone has moments of feeling overwhelmed or overcommitted. Checking in is as important in one’s outside commitments as it is in seeking excellence in the workplace. Remembering that the time is being pulled from somewhere as demands shift, you still can set up what will be first on the list. You can’t be two places at once, but you can decide where you will be first. No matter how busy we are, taking the time to review what we truly value puts things in focus- and contributes to good strategic decisions so that promises are kept, including promises to yourself.